


You look sad when you think he can't see you

by Winterchildboobear



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: F/M, It's All Sad, M/M, Sad, Sherlock Lives, Sherlock ghost, Sherlocks death, depressed, ghost - Freeform, john is depressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:45:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8440855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterchildboobear/pseuds/Winterchildboobear
Summary: Sherlock returns after a two years of pretending to be dead. John has remained depressed and closed off after sherlocks death, when Sherlock slips back into his life his reaction is not what sherlock expected





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Sherlock story enjoy!

Sherlock sat as still as he could as the man shaved off his beard which had Long ago became covered in grim and grease. Reframing from shivering at the thought of the blade near his throat Sherlock focused on the ceiling.

Ignoring the feeling of his beard being removed, it itched as it was scraped off of his face.

Sherlock lay sat still as Mycroft droned on about something Sherlock didn't care about, all Sherlock could think about was John.

 it had been two years since Sherlock faked his own death and went deep undercover leaving John and everyone behind.

_I had to protect them._ Sherlock reminded himself. the man pat him on the  shoulder lightly  as if saying all done. Sherlock tried not to wince and jerk away at the contact, the memories of his torture still fresh in his mind

  
"Where is he?" Sherlock asked sitting up with a low groan as his bruises and countless wounds protested and stretched. Mycroft was kind enough to ignore his brothers moment of weakness as he retrieved a file and handed it to Sherlock. Flipping open the folder Sherlock scanned the lists of things John had been up to.

  
"You looked after him?" Sherlock asked keeping his voice even

  
"Of course" Mycroft sassed as he took a seat in his office chair "I couldn't have the other one of the dynamic duo die" Sherlock nodded and ducked his head his stomach twisting dangerously at the thought of John dying. Mycroft was quiet as he looked through the folder. Pictures of John.

John at his grave,

John crying,

John staring at a wall,

John with a woman,

John frowning, John with a moustache.  
"A moustache?" Sherlock asked amusement slipping into his tone

  
"So it seems brother" Mycroft said boredly

  
"That's got to go" Sherlock said tossing the folder onto the ground as he stood and grabbed a dress shirt from the pile of clothes he was given   
"I can't be seen walking around with an old man" he said as he painfully put the shirt on and began struggling with the buttons, his finger ached still.

Mycroft stood in front of Sherlock, brushing his hands aside Mycroft deftly buttoned his shirt and tucked down his collar  
"You didn't need to do that" Sherlock muttered his face warm in shame. Mycroft smiled his signature smile but his eyes where sad and affectionate

  
"Of course not" Mycroft said softly

Sherlock nodded sternly as he stepped back   
"Where is it?"   
"Where's what?" Mycroft said confused   
"You know what" Sherlock retorted glancing around the room, Mycroft rolled his eyes before retrieving something from his closet before tossing it to Sherlock who caught it ignoring the pain it sent spiralling down his shoulder. Smiling Sherlock pulled his coat on and tucked he collar up   
"Like nothing's changed" Sherlock joked. Mycroft nodded and smiled sadly   
"Nothing at all brother dear" Mycroft agreed

         

* * *

 

Sherlock stared at the familiar door before him 221B Baker Street

home

Sherlock straightened  the knocker that hung crooked on the black door

_he never notices he does that._ Sherlock chuckled as he opened the door. The empty hallway stared at him accusingly as he stepped inside. Taking a deep breath Sherlock walked towards Ms.Hudson's flat.Inside the flat the sounds of her bustling around made Sherlock smile.

Brushing his hair down and wiping his feet on the Mat Sherlock opened the door. The noise stopped as Ms.Hudson stared at the door her face full of hope and sadness. Sherlock smiled widely as her eyes widened. her own face now lighting with a large smile before she started screaming happily. Startled Sherlock jumped back out of the flat as she calmed herself thump thump 

"Ms.hudson?!" John voice Shouted as he  made his way down stairs. Sherlock turned around in panic before running into Ms.Hudson's flat and shutting the door

  
"Hide me" Sherlock begged as John came closer. Shocked Ms.hudson pointed at the closet behind her. Sherlock ducked into it and shut the door just as John barged into the flat gun in hand as he glanced around wildly

  
"You screamed are you okay?" John said as he scanned the room for threats Ms.hudson fluttered her hand and chuckled   
"No dear I'm sorry I got excited I found a new recipe" Sherlock watched through the cracks in the door as John stared at her confused. Sherlock felt his heart pang painfully as he took in John haunted face, his cheeks had hallowed out and his limp was back. Sherlock took in his hair that had grown more grey and the moustache making him appear even older. John sighed and dropping his arm with the gun to his side before dragging a hand down his face and smiling softly at Ms.hudson

  
"Okay well I'll be upstairs" John said  as he turned and exited the flat shutting the door behind him  
Quietly. Sherlock heaved out a breath  that he had been holding since John walked in. Resting his head against the door Sherlock steeled himself no expression they will know Sherlock thought wait no it's okay I'm back Sherlock corrected himself before mentally kicked himself and walking out of the closet. Ms.hudson stared at him her eyes wide as she examined him closely, Sherlock shuffled his feet nervously as Ms.hudson remained silent

  
"Oh Sherlock" Ms.Hudson said shaking her head as she pressed a hand to her eyes that where rapidly filling with tears.

Sherlock stared at her in terror as she began crying softly. His legs moving on their own accord Sherlock found himself standing before Ms.Hudson who smiled at him through her tears  
"We missed you dear" she said her voice breaking.

Sherlock nodded feeling the lump in his throat grow as he felt himself become emotional. Ms.Hudson stepped forward carefully before wrapping her arms  
Around Sherlock and sobbing quietly into his coat, Sherlock grunted as she pressed into one of his healing ribs slowly Sherlock wrapped his arms around Ms.Hudson's shoulders has she always been this small?? Sherlock Stood holding her till she had finished weeping. Pushing away Ms.Hudson walked into the kitchen and began filling the kettle. Sherlock trailed behind her quietly as she grabbed the items needed for tea

  
"Why did you hide from John?" Ms.Hudson asked Sherlock as he sat at the table in the middle of the kitchen. setting a tea cup before him Ms.hudson stared at Sherlock who looked at her struggling for an answer before shaking his head in frustration and remaining silent for a while before locking eyes with her kind ones as he set his jaw

  
"I hurt him."

Ms.Hudson nodded

  
"He thought he drove you to it Sherlock" she said sadly "he has been drinking.the entire flat smells of alcohol and cigars I can't clean the smell out" she said grabbing the steaming kettle

  
"but then again I'm Not your maid" she joked weakly as she prepared tea. Sherlock smiled and nodded.   
"You will go to him right?" Ms.Hudson asked   
"I don't know if I can" Sherlock choked out his eyes watering. Ms.Hudson nodded knowing what he meant   
"He isn't eating Sherlock. Mary left him because she couldn't watch him kill himself like this" Sherlock winced and focused on his tea cup closing his eyes and letting a few tears stray out I can't cry I hurt John I don't deserve to be upset Sherlock thought bitterly

  
"Sherlock honey you can cry" Ms.Hudson said as if reading his mind. Sherlock whimpered and ducked his head against his chest as he struggled to push back the wave of emotions. Suddenly arms where around  
His back as Ms.Hudson hugged him tightly, softly murmuring words into his hair. Sherlock let himself grieve for a few moments before clearing his throat and patting Ms.Hudsons elbow. Returning to her seat Ms.hudson watched as Sherlock sipped his tea and wiped his eyes clear of moisture

  
"Go to him tomorrow" Ms.Hudson said softly as she pat his hand kindly. Sherlock nodded as he stood and headed towards the door   
"Sherlock you can stay here" Ms.Hudson offered as she pointed at the guest room. Sherlock bit his lip knowing he has nightmares still. better waking up here from a nightmare then somewhere else. he reasoned as he walked towards the guest room stepping inside he let Ms.Hudson guide him to the small bed and lay him down. He let himself relax and relish the feeling of Ms.Hudson tucking a blanket around him and remove his shoes like she had done when he was younger and staying with her. Muttering a thank you Sherlock Watched as she slipped out of the room and shut the door leaving a crack open for light to slip in.

Sherlock lay awake thinking of John staying just a floor above him.

{You don't deserve this!} Moriarty's  voice spit venomously in his head. Sherlock shuddered and tried to get comfortable in the too soft bed.

_to_ _much time spent on the floor of a cell_.

Sherlock thought duly as he tossed a pillow onto the floor and slipped down to the ground dragging the blanket with him. Kicking his shoes away from him Sherlock rolled into a ball on his side in the floor. Tugging the blanket around himself Sherlock let himself feel the pain wracking his body and mind as he fell asleep


	2. This is what it has come too

Sherlock woke thrashing and covered in a cold sweat. His stormy blue eyes flashing open he threw himself backwards painfully into the bed frame

 _where_ _am_ _I!?_

Panicking Sherlock struggled to control his breathing as he grew aware of his surroundings. Kicking the blanket off of where it was tangled with his legs Sherlock pulled himself up carefully. His back was on fire as he trudged out of the guest room and into the bathroom. Sherlock stayed away from the mirror not wanting to see what stared back at him from the mirror right now.

Turning on the shower Sherlock leaned back against the wall as steam began to gather in the small bathroom. Finally Sherlock took a deep breath and quickly stripped off his clothing, breathing hard Sherlock gritted his teeth against the pain as he stepped into the shower.

The Hot water burned his skin pleasantly as he stood absorbing the heat. Staring at his feet he watched swirls of blood flow down the drain with the rest of the water

_i must have reopened a wound ._

Cleaning his hair quickly Sherlock clambered out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel as the rooms chill settled in without the hot water providing steam.

Walking towards the sink Sherlock dared to look at his reflection.his hair was too long reaching to his shoulders now when his curls didn't keep it up. Dropping the towel Sherlock scanned his body. Blotches of purple, green or yellow bruises covered his skin. All of them Bruises in different stages of healing. White scars thick and thin covered his skin from the numerous tortures he had suffered while under cover. Newer injuries gleamed ugly and red against his pale skin.

Daring to look at his back Sherlock gasped quietly bloody hell one of the larger gashes across his back had been torn open. No doubt from thrashing around during his nightmare. Smaller scratches and gashes covered his back,shoulders and reaching lower. From pipes,knives, whips.

"nonononono" Sherlock chanting as he doubled over pulling at his hair. The small shocks of pain bringing him back to the present.

 _no one is here,_ _it's me just me_. Sherlock soothed as he slowly stood and dug through Ms.Hudson's drawers for scissors. Finding a pair Sherlock Skilfully set to cutting his long hair. sending damp black hair falling to the ground.

Finally Satisfied with his work Sherlock cleaned his back and treated the wound before drying himself and getting dressed. Exiting the flat Sherlock stared at the daunting flight of stairs. John. slowly Sherlock placed one foot in front of another making himself walk closer to the flat,

home

john

reaching the door Sherlock stared at it. fighting the urge to run.

Slowly he turned the knob and slipped inside.

_Oh my god_

the flat was a mess. Books and empty bottles thrown around the room among piles of old papers and random items.

Sherlock picked his way through the flat towards johns room. The bed was made neatly with the room bare.

no John in sight

Frowning Sherlock closed johns door and made his way to his old room. The door was slightly ajar. Pushing the door open Sherlock couldn't help the small thrill at the sight of John asleep in his bed covered in a mountain of pillows. Slowly Sherlock made his way to johns side.

He was peaceful looking in his sleep.

_I missed him_

sherlock couldn't bring himself to wake John from him slumber so instead he stepped away and looked around his room. It was exactly the same except his violin which was propped against the wall on top of his dresser. Sherlock picked it up gingerly before plucking a string

**twang**

_Still in tune_ , _John must have kept it in tune_.

Sherlock smiled as he picked up the bow and slipped out of the room. Staring sadly at the mess Sherlock set aside his instrument as he started to clean the flat. Tossing empty

full

 half full, bottles of scotch.

Cigar butts where scattered around randomly. Sherlock grabbed a paper from the floor and read the title

_**Sherlock Holmes world wide known detective commits suicide today; guilty or not?** _

Sherlock winced as he tossed it aside and turned back to cleaning.

* * *

  
John woke to the sound of a violin playing

 _not again_. he thought as he dragged himself from bed. Groaning John clutched his head. hungover again.

Making his way out of sherlocks Room John squinted at the clean flat.

 _I must have cleaned it while drunk_.

john settled on as he headed towards the kitchen. The violin music never stopped as he grabbed an empty glass filling it with water he searched the cabinets for a few tylenols to help with his pounding head. Finding them John quickly began Downing the pills. he plopped himself in his chair as the violin continued.

God his head hurt. Gritting his teeth John winced as the music grated his nerves.

  
"bloody hell would you stop!" John shouted as he whirled around to look at sherlocks shocked face. His chin tucked against the elegant violin. Arm raised bow in hand but not moving as he stared at John in utter silence.

  
"God this is what it has come to" John asked sadly as he gazed at sherlocks confused face.

  
"First you leave. Then Mary leaves and now your back with me"

  
"John...what?" Sherlock asked dropping his arms. his Violin lightly thumping against his leg

  
"I'm back" Sherlock choked out as john smiled sadly at Sherlock before walking back into sherlocks room and shutting the door.

* * *

 

Sherlock stood shocked at johns outburst.

_He didn't even react to me._

Sherlock thought numbly as pain exploded in his chest making his fingers go numb.

Dropping the violin Sherlock slowly slumped to the floor as he stared at the closed door.

_he didn't looked surprised. Or even happy to see me._

Sherlock felt his eyes burn before he shook his head and stood grabbing the violin and bow Sherlock dumped them into his chair as he sat on his old couch John needs time. he reminded himself.

_he is hungover and tired he needs time this is a lot to take in._

Sherlock swallowed thickly and stared at the now faded yellow smiley face spray painted on the wall bullet holes still riddled the wall. curling on his side Sherlock closed his eyes.

_he just needs time_


	3. alone  and cold

Sherlock lazed about their shared flat for a week. Cleaning the rest of the flat and moving himself fully into johns old room since John had took ownership of his old room.

John ignored Sherlock completely for for the first four days. milling around miserably in some sort of daze. he tried to not look at Sherlock but eventually he caved and fully looked at Sherlock.  Drinking in his features like a man devoid of water.

Sherlock noticed and smiled softly at him. Turning away John cursed and grabbed a bottle and drank himself into another stupor ignoring Sherlock as he wallowed in his own grief. Sadly Sherlock tossed away the bottles after John had passed out and began dragging johns delirious form into his bedroom.

After a few tries Sherlock hauled Johns heavy sleepy body into his bed with a grunt, gingerly tucking his arms in Sherlock turned to leave

"I miss you" John slurred behind him. Sherlock turned back to his friend and smiled sadly.

"I missed you too Watson" Sherlock said softly as he placed a hand gently on johns head. Closing his eyes John leaned into his hand. his face scrunching as he whimpered. Shaking off sherlocks hand John rolled onto his side, affectively shutting Sherlock out again.

Sherlock exited the room quietly leaving his friend to sleep. Glancing at the clock he cursed

_ 3:37pm  _

still plenty of day left. Knowing John would sleep till late Sherlock grabbed his coat and headed off towards Mycrofts.

 

* * *

 

John woke with a start. Shaking and covered in sweat. Gasping for air He struggling to fill his lungs with air. ignoring the panic left from his nightmare he flopped back onto his bed.

_Sherlock_

_always Sherlock falling off the building_

_because John_

_John had pushed him to it. he should have believed in him._

John calmed himself before getting up and going off in search of his laptop. Settling into sherlocks old chair John tapped his keyboard impatiently waiting for the screen to wake up,

_ah hah_

quickly typing in his password John stared at his wall paper. Mary. she smiled back at him from the picture of them at a coffee parlour.Mary was good, great even. her bubbly personality and kind smile helped relieve some of the crushing weight from his shoulders

. But eventually she broke, yelling about how the nightmares that constantly plagued him where getting worse and how his eating disorder had come back causing him to become grey and weak. Frozen he watched as she left saying she couldn't handle it. like Sherlock. she couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle him. 

 So she left

 Shaking himself from his memories John quickly opened his laptop scrolling through his files he couldn't help but smile at the familiar title, 240 types of Tobacco ash.

"You should write about your dream" Sherlock said from behind him. Biting his lip john ignored him like Ella said he should. Sherlock leaned over his shoulder and snorted before shaking his head causing his curls to tickle johns face

"243 types of tobacco ash" Sherlock corrected. John could hear the smirk in his voice and a chill went through the same time as a pang of loss filled his chest.

"Good god John. Do you always sit in the dark" Sherlock voice barked from the doorway as he groped the wall for the light switch. Finding it he flipped the switch filling the dark flat in the soft fluorescent light. John blinked at the bright light that blinded him momentarily before turning to look out the window.

_Night?_

Looking at his laptop he read off the time

_10:57PM_

"I didn't notice it was so late" John muttered to himself.  Sherlock chuckled as he made his way putting the shopping bags? on the kitchen table and began pulling items out and putting them away.

"You never shop" John blurted. Sherlock froze from where he was putting the cream away in the fridge. Looking over his shoulder Sherlock threw him a small smile

"Neither do you recently apparently"

_great now my Sub conscience is jabbing at me_

 Pushing away his thoughts he kept silent as Sherlock removed his coat and threw it on the table . he pulled more groceries out of the bags and put them away . He seems thinner. John noted as he watched Sherlock dance about the kitchen putting things away unaware of johns staring. Eventually Sherlock finished his chore and sat across from John.

"So" Sherlock said wringing his hands nervously, John watched him numbly as he continued.

"The moustache, your keeping that?"  John snorted and let his head fall back against the seat.

  "I mean...really gonna keep that?" Sherlock asked smiling softly like he was afraid he would upset Him.

"You would have said that wouldn't you" John muttered as he turned his head to look at Sherlock, Confusion flitted across sherlocks face as John absently touched his moustache

"I did say that john" Sherlock said seriously. John smiled again sadly before getting up to retrieve an apple from the kitchen. Sherlock frowned at his small meal. Standing he walked to John. gentle cupping johns hand around the apple he looked down at johns face earnestly.

"You need to eat John I can see your losing weight" John looked at their joined hands. Noting the small thin scars that covered sherlocks hands shockingly white against the vibrant red fruit. Patting sherlocks hands with his free hand John

"I shouldn't be talking to you" John said his voice barely above a whisper.

_He isn't real_.

"John" Sherlock choked out

"I'm sorry I know I hurt you" John shook his head violently as he stepped back

"No" He said firmly. Sherlock fell silent his apology trailing off

"Ella says I can't give in"

_she said the visions will stop._ John thought stubbornly. sherlock nodded. The desperation and vulnerability fading from his eyes. His emotions Being locked away again behind his mask. 

" I understand" Sherlock said as he went back to his chair and sat silently.

_No you don't, Your dead_

 Sherlock pushed back the feeling of immense grief as John admitted he didn't want to talk to him.

_I pushed to hard. I need to give him time. idiot!_

Sherlock thought bitterly. John was staring at him oddly. He looked so lost and small as he stood in the middle of the room awkwardly. He looked like he wanted to leave. but he wanted to hugged and to talk to Sherlock. But the resulting set of his jaw let Sherlock know he wouldn't do either. Setting his Apple down gently John walked back into his room and shut the door leaving Sherlock to curl up in his chair and stare out the window


	4. A game of deductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's try A game of deduction. Sherlock thought as he dragged himself up from the couch. For two hours he walked around the flat taking in everything John had down since he had been gone. The curtains where still and thick of dust. 
> 
> Rarely opened
> 
> The tea kettle was used
> 
> repeatedly. Smiling Sherlock moved along taking in the rest of the room. The floor was scratched underneath his chair along with the tears on the arms rests.   
> He tried to get rid of it.   
> His music chest was untouched and unopened. Reaching johns desk he examined it too. The laptops top was worn. 
> 
> Used often  
>  As was his cigar box. His stack of papers where askew. 
> 
> Uncared for. Sherlock felt himself grow cold as he noticed johns desk drawer that held his gun.

It has been two weeks since Sherlock moved back in. John rarely spoke to Sherlock. Ignoring him and skirting away when Sherlock tried to coax him into conversation.

Sherlock entertained himself. Playing violin and solving petty crimes for lestraud in the evening after tea time with Ms.Hudson.

Sherlock made his way into the shared flat after he had spent the morning with Molly at the morgue. Tossing his coat away he plopped himself into the empty couch with a groan, closing his eyes he tried to shut out the world and its noise.

  
"Dammit" he muttered after twenty minutes of trying to shut down his brain.

_Let's try A game of deduction_. Sherlock thought as he dragged himself up from the couch. For two hours he walked around the flat taking in everything John had down since he had been gone. The curtains where still and thick of dust,

_Rarely opened._

The tea kettle was used,

_repeatedly._

Smiling Sherlock moved along taking in the rest of the room. The floor was scratched underneath his chair along with the tears on the arms rests,

_He tried to get rid of it._

His music chest was untouched and unopened. Reaching johns desk he examined it too. The laptops case was worn.

_Used often._

As was his cigar box. His stack of papers where askew.

_Uncared for._

Sherlock felt himself grow cold as he noticed johns desk drawer that held his gun. The drawer showed the wear of being opened hundreds of times.

_How many times did John pull that gun out at night when drunk and tormented by his nightmares?_

Sherlock stopped playing his game after that. Swallowing past the lump in his throat he decided that he needed a shower. Quickly he jumped into the small bathroom and turning on the shower he stripped of his cloths while he Waiting for the water to grow hot. Sherlock leaned  against the wall watching steam rise slowly.

_How many times did John almost take his life?_

Noticing the room has grown warm with the heat of the steam Sherlock climbed into the shower and began Scrubbing his hair clean. He stood under the hot water letting it rinse some of the tension from his shoulders before Turning off the spray.

Sherlock climbed out of the shower. Drying his hair he wrapped a towel around his waist and ducked into his own room since John was not in the flat. shivering at the chill he searched through his dressers that he couldn't help but deduct hadn't been touched since he was gone. Finding a soft pair of Pajama pants and an old T-shirt he turned towards the full body mirror on the wall.

He frowned displeased at what he saw. His hair was still damp and the curls where already coming back. His chest and arms where littered in scars. They crisscrossed his ribs and where layered upon each other. The recent cuts had healed but where still angry red scars. Even the little bit of his legs that showed from beneath the towel where scarred. Sherlock tried counting the scars turning his shoulders in turn to examine them too

_to many_

Giving up Sherlock stared quietly. He hasn't really given the Injuries and scars any thought before now.

_No wonder Mycroft looked so sad_ Sherlock thought. The floor creaked behind him. Sherlock whirled around clutching the towel around his waist tightly

  
"John?" Sherlock asked, quietly taking in his friends blank expression. Sherlock Repressing the urge to shiver under his eyes standing still he let him look over him. Taking in the scars and too prominent ribs.

  
"I was going to nap" john said quietly matching sherlocks tone

"I don't remember seeing these before" John said pointing at the scars. Stepped forward John raised a hand to touch one in sherlocks shoulder. Sherlock winced slightly but didn't move, afraid of chasing John away again.

  
"Those look new" John accused as he looked up at sherlocks face. His eyes holding a glazed over look. Sherlock swallowed before clearing his throat

  
"I should get dressed"  
John nodded his agreement and let Sherlock all but run out of the room. Once he was safely locked in his own room Sherlock gasped for breath pushing away the feeling of anxiety squeezing his chest. After a few minutes he put on his cloths and calmed himself. Stepping out of he bedroom Sherlock sat beside John on the couch.

John glanced at him in surprise before smiling softly and reaching towards sherlocks face. Sherlock sat as still as he could as John twisted one of his curls around his finger before slowly leaning his head against sherlocks shoulder. Humming pleasantly John relaxed leaving Sherlock in a comfortable silence. Sherlock smiled and leaned his head against his friends and let himself pretend nothing had changed


	5. I will prove it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John curled up closer to the warm body beside him, humming pleasantly as an arm wrapped around his shoulders.
> 
> "Mary" John muttered sleepily.
> 
> Mary is gone. 
> 
> Duly flitted across his mind. Peeking open an eye, john took in the pale throat and jawline beside his brow, tilted his head farther back john noticed the dark curly hair. his stomach dropped to his toes as he realised who he was practically snuggling with.
> 
> Sherlock

John curled up closer to the warm body beside him, humming pleasantly as an arm wrapped around his shoulders.

"Mary" John muttered sleepily.

_Mary is gone._

Duly flitted across his mind. Peeking open an eye, john took in the pale throat and jawline beside his brow, tilted his head farther back john noticed the dark curly hair. his stomach dropped to his toes as he realised who he was practically snuggling with.

_Sherlock._

Gentle extracting himself from sherlocks hold John watched sherlock sleep peacefully unaware of Johns inner monologue waring with itself. Pulling his legs up onto the couch John tucked his head between his knees in an attempt  to calm himself

"John" Sherlock murmured as his hand tugged at Johns elbow

"come lie down, sleep" John tilted his head up from his knees to peer at Sherlock.

his face was turned towards John with a sleepy smile on it that didn't hide the worry in his eyes.

"you sleep, I'm um, I am just going to go to my room" John stammered as he pulled himself off of the couch. Sherlock sighed as John turned away 

"John, I can't I-" Sherlock Broke off as his voice gave out, gathering himself he looked up at John 

"John, I can't sleep without having nightmares" Sherlock rushed out as he ducked his head in shame before he continued 

"I've never had nightmares before!, they are impractical and I can't make them go away" 

john felt his heart wrench painful at the thought of Sherlock suffering alone at night after a bout with nightmares.

"would you like to sleep in my bed?" John offered quietly, sherlocks head snapped up as he stared at John like he hung the moon, shuffling his feet awkwardly John crossed his arms 

"waking up next to someone helps" he explained 

"really?" Sherlock asked, his voice so full of hope john couldn't help but smile.

"come on you" John ordered as he walked into his bedroom, climbing into his bed John shuffled over to the far side as Sherlock took the side opposite of him.  

After a few minutes of silence  Sherlock whispered 

"thank you John" 

"it's fine, not like your here" John murmured into his pillow, he felt Sherlock stiffen beside him.

"John, I am here" Sherlock said

"mkay Sherlock" John muttered, Sherlock grabbed johns wrist and pulled himself closer to Johns side 

"I am right here John, why dont you believe me" Sherlock asked his voice full of pain, sighing John opened his eyes to look at Sherlock 

"Sherlock, this isn't the first time I have hallucinated you around the flat" John smiled sadly "I'll take what I can get, obviously im not taking my therapists advice and ignoring you, so I might as well enjoy you while your here" 

sherlock swallowed loudly and placed his cool hand against johns cheek 

"john I'm here, please" Sherlock whimpered. John closed his eyes and whispered something quietly, 

"what?" Sherlock asked, with a groan John sat up and looked at Sherlock sternly 

"i Have been diognosed with psychosis" Sherlock drew in a sharp breath and drew himself up straight to match johns stance. Grabbing johns hand slowly Sherlock traced his fingers before looking at John. His eyes filled with determination as he said 

"I will prove to you I'm here" 

_please do_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So psychosis; Psychosis is characterized by an impaired relationship with reality. And it is a symptom of serious mental disorders. People who are psychotic may have either hallucinations or delusions.
> 
> Hallucinations are sensory experiences that occur within the absence of an actual stimulus. For example, a person having an auditory hallucination may hear their mother yelling at them when their mother isn’t around. Or someone having a visual hallucination may see something, like a person in front of them, who isn’t actually there.
> 
> The person experiencing psychosis may also have thoughts that are contrary to actual evidence. These thoughts are known as delusions. Some people with psychosis may also experience loss of motivation and social withdrawal.
> 
>  
> 
> difficulty concentrating  
> depressed mood  
> sleeping too much or not enough  
> anxiety  
> suspiciousness  
> withdrawal from family and friends  
> delusions  
> hallucinations  
> disorganized speech, such as switching topics erratically  
> depression  
> anxiety  
> suicidal thoughts or actions


End file.
